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A line outside an Isaac Toast standCredit: Emilio Andreas Araya

A line outside an Isaac Toast stand

I seriously don’t get it.

Has the world gone MAD??

When I first came to Korea in 2004, I had some cultural adjustment to do (understatement). Breakfast was one of them. The closest I could get to a western breakfast at the time was Isaac Toast. But it was SO BAD that I just resorted to samgak kimbap from convenience stores instead.

Why?

Isaac Toast is only good if you’re drunk, stupid, or both.

It follows the Korean sandwich 80% rule: 80% is good. 20% is WHAT THE FUCK??

Ham, cheese, and STRAWBERRIES?

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Bacon, lettuce, tomato, and TARTAR SAUCE?

Tuna salad and RAISINS?

Lovely buttered toast, egg, grilled ham, cheese, and WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DUMP A LOAD OF SUGAR IN MY SANDWICH??

Isaac Toast has always done the same thing. They make sandwiches that seem good, and then they have to ruin it by throwing cheap shredded cabbage and some sweet sauce on them. I’m a grown-up. I don’t need my food to be turned into candy.

People line up for THIS?

Isaac Toast has been a running joke for as long as I can remember. It’s the poster child for how places in Korea ruin foreign food. Is it cultural appropriation in Asia? I don’t care. It’s taking something I grew up with and enjoyed, and taking one slow sugar-coated shit on it. This would have been fine if there were examples of foods from my home culture readily available that didn’t get the 80% rule treatment. But no, this was what we were stuck with when we got a little homesick and were so desperate for a taste of home.

What offends me by these lines is not that they’re doing well. It’s that disgusting fake food is taking business away from authentic non-corporate restaurants, and these great restaurants are closing down every month because of these trend zombies. Actually, they’re mostly tourists in Myeong-dong, which reinforces my rule that there’s hardly any good food in Myeong-dong.

Isaac Toast is an abomination to humanity. It is an evil mutation. Eating Isaac Toast without extreme inebriation and desperation is a criminal act. STANDING IN LINE to eat Isaac Toast puts you in the Venn Diagram between ISIS and Trump supporters.

RESIST!!!

(Man, and I thought the churro craze a few years ago was dumb.)

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